Infinite Love

 

"Love abounds in all things, excels from the depths to beyond the stars, is lovingly disposed to all things."

~Hildegard of Bingen (Caritas Abundat)

I've been looking for guided meditations on the Internet because, after another episode of psychosis this month, we practiced meditation in the hospital and I liked it.  A friend recommended I try the Balance app, which can be found in the app store on iOS or Android.  It has daily guided meditations and help for sleep, improved mood, increased focus, and stress reduction.  For a limited time, new members get a free membership for a year.

I have found that meditation is indeed helpful to me, even though I've only done it a handful of times in my life.  I am getting better at it and growing more and more fond of it.  Also, in the hospital, I had my first session of yoga, and I enjoyed that, as well.  I am going to search for yoga sessions on YouTube.  I prefer standing yoga or chair yoga.

I have had schizophrenia for some time now.  My grandmother had schizophrenia, too.  It can be genetic.  My episodes of psychosis cause me to do things that I am sometimes unaware of.  Some things I vaguely remember, others I do not.  When I come out of them, I feel embarrassed about it, because I say and do some pretty weird things.  However, I am just overjoyed at the love and care I've received from people before, during, and after that time.

There are a lot of flawed people on this planet, but there are also some very good souls.  It's these good souls that have offered me encouragement, emotional support, and friendship.  I really had no idea how many friends I had until I came out of this most recent episode.  I had so many people telling me they loved me that I couldn't keep up with them all!  That made me feel good.  These people let me know that they know me, and they know I'm a good and loving person and they understand me.  They said we all have our own "issues" that we deal with.  Some are more open about them than others.  I am a rather open person but still, I am an introvert.

I don't want to make this a very long blog entry, so I will just end this post with one final anecdote.  One morning in the hospital, when I was drinking some coffee, one of the nurses told me that I talk in my sleep.  She said that overnight, I kept repeating the phrase, "I love you," over and over.  She said, "Well, I love you, too!"  I already knew I talk in my sleep because my husband tells me I do.  I also sometimes sing in my sleep, or even scream when I'm having nightmares.

Thanks for reading this blog entry.  I think I will start to post to this blog more often.  I've only been doing it about once a month, or sometimes every other month, or every three months.  I need to start journaling and keeping a gratitude journal.  At the hospital, they said blogging is a good thing to do, too.  So, expect to see more from me.

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