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Showing posts from September, 2020

The Swift Spider

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“Once you begin watching spiders, you haven't time for much else.” ~E.B. White Last night I dreamed of a spider crawling up the wall.  The spider had wings.  It was moving at a very accelerated speed, much more quickly than spiders in the non-dream reality we live in.  It was so fast that I had decided - in the dream - to write a scientific paper about it.  I remember I was sitting at a computer, typing the paper, with the species' name at the top.

The Elegance of Childhood

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Armageddon in Retrospect is the book I'm currently reading. It's by one of my favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut.  It's a book of essays and short stories about war, peace, and humanity's tendency towards violence. It has a nice introduction written by his son, who is a pediatrician.  His son, Mark Vonnegut, is also an author who wrote about his journeys with mental illness. Mark has a genetic disposition to schizophrenia.   I'm going to read his books soon, not only because he's the son of Kurt Vonnegut, but because I, too, have had my own experiences with mental illness. I met Kurt in 1996.  I was a senior in the AP literature class at Floyd Central High School in Floyd's Knobs, Indiana. We had just finished reading one of his books, Cat's Cradle, for the class. He came to talk to our class and spoke about his writing and time spent as a prisoner of war in World War II.  He was a very kind man.  I took some pictures of him and had him sign a book for me,

Manifesto of Shrouded Purpose

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"The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to just know." ~Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)  

Open Impressionist Innocence

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"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn." ~Maya Angelou 

Angular Present in the Dark

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“Do you remember when we first met? I thought I had wandered into a dream.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring  

Extracts from Modular Elegance

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"Don’t you ever get the feeling that all your life is going by and you are not taking advantage of it?"  ~Ernest Hemingway "I am so angry with myself because I cannot do what I should like to do, and at such a moment one feels as if one were lying bound hand and foot at the bottom of a deep dark well, utterly helpless." ~Vincent van Gogh I think these are common sentiments for those that suffer from depression.  I know I feel this way.  So much of my life has passed by in states of depression and anxiety that I feel like time has been lost.  There is so much I could have been doing that I did not do.  There are so many places I could have gone, so many adventures to have been on, so many things to do, and have fun with, so many people I could have met or spent time with, yet I did not.  There has been so much time wasted due to depression, anxiety, and anhedonia. I am not the only one.  Depression is a very common illness.  It's an invisible illness.  Others can

The Mind-Bending Transformation

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"They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald My husband and I met in August of 2015.  We didn't date for very long before we got married.  It was truly love at first sight.  I knew right away that this is the man I wanted to marry.  We got married in April of 2016.  We have an age gap relationship because he is 31 years older than I am.  Some people may find this strange but we are best friends and very close to each other.  In the more than five years we've been together we have not had an argument. I sometimes tell him that when he gets old, I will take care of him.  He tells me that he may have to take care of me because I have secondary progressive MS.  He is right.  I do not know how much longer I will be able to walk.  Already I am losing some of my functions.  He already takes great care of me.  I just hope I can keep walking so that I truly can take care of him when he is older.  I wish that I could live the re

The Mechanical Insight

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"Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art." ~  Felix Gonzalez-Torres   

Act with Elusive Muse

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"You're still beautiful. A little more beautiful than ever." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night

Silhouette of Secrets

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"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you." ~Elbert Hubbard My husband is my best friend.  He knows everything about me and still loves me.  He even knows about the unflattering parts.  He accepts the good and bad and loves me as if I were perfect.  I gladly return the favor and love him unconditionally.  

A Flowing Poetry

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  “If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.” ~Napoleon Hill I make fractals and other digital art for therapeutic purposes to help me deal with multiple sclerosis and depression.  I like to imagine that I'm a strong person that can accept and handle what life throws my way.  Living with both MS and depression is not easy and is certainly an obstacle that is difficult to overcome.   I believe using art for therapy is something that should not be underestimated.  I'm not skilled at making forms of art outside the realm of fractals, so I spend my creative energy on making fractals.  I've been making them since 2005.  I started using a software called Apophysis.  I've since branched out to other software, such as Ultra Fractal, Jux, JWildfire, Fractal Explorer, Mind-Boggling Fractals, Chaoscope, Frax, Mandelbulb3D, and Mandelbulber.  There are of course many other software programs available for making fractals and I will soon make a post about what fr

Artisan Crying a Painting

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  "The work of art is above all a process of creation, it is never experienced as a mere product." ~Paul Klee